Greetings, and welcome to Jesse's Rant Manifesto: the big-daddy of all rants. If you have chosen to read this rant, please proceed with an air of caution, realizing at all times that tongue is firmly in cheek. If you are easily offended, you should leave this site, NOW. Furthermore, readers with allergies to liberalism, cynicism, sarcasm, and foul language should avoid consuming this product. You have been warned. Thank you.

When we liberals talk about the waste of Western civilization, we talk about crazy ideas like low-flow toilets, solar-powered cars, forcing people to use mass transit, making our pet cats into vegans, and tons of other crazy stuff that doesn't work. Then the opposition says that if we want to sustain our quality of life (if you can call it that), the way things are is how it's gotta be. What if we were just conscious of all the waste? Just THINK about it for a second. Turn it off, eat it later, fix it, don't throw it out, reuse it. If people just DID this shit there'd be so much MORE for so much LESS. There's a part of me to which this concept of waste-reduction/environmentalism is built in. I never want to waste anything. I approach this from a mechanical sense: when a tool, computer, component, article of clothing, whatever, reaches the end of its life cycle in one function, I always want to repair it or delegate it to a less important task. Make that old computer a fileserver, turn that old shirt to short-sleeves, use the components from broken tool One to fix broken tool Two. I can't NOT do it; I need to TINKER. Even if it takes extra time and effort. Everything has a function, it just doesn't know it yet. We don't have to change our entire system or reduce quality of life, just THINK a little bit more.

And that's the problem. That's why I hate humanity. That's why there have been days where if someone placed a button in front of me with the words "press here to destroy humanity" written on it, I would have smashed my fist down on it screaming, "SO LONG YOU BASTARDS!" It's because people don't THINK. They just consume like little bacteria until they've eaten everything and half of them die off. Everything's a product now. People are products. We don't want to have relationships anymore, we just want to meet people online or at the bar and FUCK them and be done with it. You might as well be browsing in the mall, "You look good". And then you use yourself as currency: your physique, your personality, your orthodontically-enhanced smile, in an attempt to bargain for said goods. We're the whore and the john simultaneously. No one's interested in love anymore.

And me? Hell, I'm no good for Liberal girls. I'm a conformist: just look at the way I dress. Yeah, I don't have metal in my face or dress like a slob or wear ultra-baggy clothes the way EVER OTHER HIPPIE dresses and that makes ME the fucking conformist. Furthermore, they're too busy focusing on their education/career to be "tied down" by an evil fascist man through some neo-industrialist relationship. And don't even TALK about marriage or kids. Stupid men these days, all they want is commitment. Isn't it shallow?

And then there's the girls who dress nice and classy and claim they don't have any interest in politics: which is just another way of saying they're an ignorant, raging closet conservative. I'm no good for any of them because I've got lots of crazy ideas about society (like tolerance and social responsibility). I'm not Christian so that's a pain in the ass for them, because two relationships with Christian girls have taught me no God-fearing Christian will want to teach their kids any other faith than Christianity, or have anything other than a Christian wedding ceremony, or acknowledge in any way that I might posses a different belief system than they do. Lastly, I waste too much time thinking about the nature of the universe, art, and humanity when I should be telling them whether or not their butt looks fat in that dress... which is irrelevant because I like their fat ass so much I really can't tell either way.

Sometimes I think people aren't always sentient. They can reason and talk and all that wonderful stuff, sure. But if you don't expose yourself to culture and creativity and thought for the sake of thought, then you become a drone. Humanity is cattle. What's worse is that they aspire to be. They aspire to be good little productive drones working in the hive: a honeycomb of office cubicles. I remember certain people when I told them I was studying music: "Oh, well that's nice." The tone of their deference so obvious that it could almost coalesce from the air and fall to the ground with a plop. "Oh, that's nice: but why don't you focus on something that will get you a job, you hippie?" "Oh, that's nice: I'll just humour you because you're wasting your life and I don't want to tell you to your face." "Oh, that's nice: but we all know that art is an outdated concept that is irrelevant in our world of mass culture."

And how the hell am I supposed to argue with that viewpoint after having gone to university, a place that's supposed to be an institution of open thought and learning, and discover that it's really just a microcosm of the rest of society. The only difference is that they harbour their own unique delusions. "You'll never be taken seriously writing like that. I'll just humour you until you learn to write the CORRECT way. Don't you know that tonality is an outdated concept that is irrelevant in our post-modern world?" It's the same close-mindedness in a different package.

Some would call me arrogant; that I am everything I criticize the world of being. If everyone else is one way, and I'm another, doesn't that make ME wrong? But you know it doesn't. You know that the world is wrong and you're right. Is that what they were really getting at in The Matrix? I'm not the only one who feels this way, I know you're out there. You know its all wrong, and what's worse you know that there's next to nothing you can do about it. All you can do is dwell on the verge of madness and feel that pain (as a friend of mine so aptly described) sitting on top of your diaphragm clutching your lungs. Grin and bear it, like the slave in the chain gang. Survive; dream eternally and in futility of that day when you'll rise up and cast down your oppressors and make them feel what you're feeling now. Then feel the whip on your back and step back into line.

Now comes the part in some readers' minds where they say, "Man oh, man, this Jesse fellow is a whiny little bitch!" Sure, I've been privileged enough to be born in a rich western country. Sure, I haven't experienced any sexual childhood trauma or been the victim of some unspeakable criminal act. I'm lucky enough to be a white, heterosexual male in a society where that's the absolute statistical majority. I'm very smart, moderately good-looking, and I have a great job. I'm very thankful for all these things, but to be surrounded by social injustice and stupid people; to see Britney Spears, Survivor, and bad Rob Schneider movies become the zeniths of culture; to have all the female friends you could ask for and not one single prospect. Well, let's just say that sort of thing can WEAR on a man.

So you end up sitting at home on a Friday night writing about how the entire world pisses you off so much. Sometimes I wish I was stupid and ridiculously good-looking (see Zoolander). Then at least I wouldn't be smart enough to know how spiritually bankrupt society was. Then I'd be out at some club enjoying listening to bad techno-music, and picking up beautiful women who deserve much better than meatheads but don't seem to be able to get over them.

And sometimes after wishing that I decide I'd rather be miserable.