Letter from the Roman Senate

Senatus Populusque Romanus
Roman Curia, Via Labia
Roma
Romum Imperium

Dear sirs and mesdames,

It has come to our attention that many Latin words are being used in the English language, and that these words are not being used in forms concurrent with their original language. In particular, it has been noticed that numerous Latin nouns are being declined incorrectly by the general populace. The Latin language is the sole intellectual property of the Roman Empire. If you do not immediately correct your usage, we will be forced to issue a cease and desist order, following which we shall revoke your privileges to use said words. Promptly make the following corrections to your usage.

Plural nouns used in the singular: "This data" is incorrect usage. Data is the plural Latin form of the second-declension neutral noun datum, meaning "something given". Therefore, we must immediately correct our usage to indicate it is a plural noun (ie: "these data").

Please also amend the incorrect usage of similarly mis-numbered nouns such as media which is the plural of medium. Example: "these media".

Several Latin words are not being declined properly in their plural forms. Please correct your plural usage of Latin nouns including, but not limited to:

"Stadiums" which should be Stadia
"Circuses" which should be Circi
"Agendas" which should be Agendae
"Forums" which should be Fora
"Penises" which should be Penes
"Vaginas" which should be Vaginae

It should also be noted that the word album isn't a noun at all. It's an adjective, meaning "white". However, if you insist on using it as a noun, you should form the plural not as "albums" but rather as albua.

We take offence to your usage of our third declension agent nouns. That is, nouns which specify a person (or persons) as the performer(s) of an action. In particular, please note the following words:

Actor   Auditor   Captor   Creditor   Dictator   Executor

When using these nouns in the plural form, it is correct to decline them by adding -es to the end. Examples: actores, auditores, dictatores. If you plan on using the noun to describe a female person, then you must replace the -tor ending with -trix. Your usage of the term "actress" is grossly incorrect. The correct usage is actrix. If you wish to describe more than one actrix, then replace the -trix ending with -trices to form actrices.

Please note that habitat is not a noun, but the third person singular of the verb habitare meaning "to live (in a place)". Please strike this word from your vocabulary, unless you plan on using it as a verb.

We trust that you will institute these corrections in your society immediately. If all diplomatic solutions fail, we may be forced to take legal action against the English professors of your universities. Which, God forbid, might actuallty give them something to do for a few weeks. Thank you for your co-operation.

Sincerely,

Senatus Populusque Romanus
(Roman People's Senate)