iTunes is Evil... and that's Good
 

So my favorite company is making a run for the top spot in a brand new industry: legitimate electronic music distribution. I am of course talking about Apple Computer's iTunes Music Store. When Apple first unveiled the idea, I was skeptical. I mean sure, it was (and still is) a great idea, but did Apple have the drive to make itself a leader in the industry? iTunes was only available for Macs. So I predicted that this would be only of those insanely great ideas with insanely poor execution. But Apple ported iTunes to Windows too, and the headline on Apple's website read: "Hell Just Froze Over - Introducing iTunes for Windows." It was a great ad. Then iTunes was voted Time magazine's greatest invention of 2003. Apple was selling millions of songs. I was thrilled.

	iTunes/Pepsi Superbowl Spot

Then the thing I should have predicted, but didn't, happened. Microsoft smelled money rolling and shot up its hand and said "Me too! Me too!" Announcing that MSN would be introducing its own online music store soon enough. I despaired. Americans like to bend over and give Microsoft what it wants in every possible market: operating systems, e-mail, instant messaging, gaming consoles, everything. I sensed that the days of the iTunes Music Store were numbered.

But wait, there's hope! You see, Apple Computer and Pepsi have teamed up to offer codes redeemable for free songs from Apple's iTunes music store. According Apple's website, every one in three of these marked Pepsi bottles is a winner. This is what is going to save the iTunes music store.

Why is this so brilliant? Because it's evil! I mean let's face it: Apple is a company with a lot of great ideas. They have a great sense of style. But one thing that Apple has never been able to do is take that little extra leap to brutally crush the competition through some action with a questionable sense of propriety. "But Geekman," you ask, "why is this business plan evil? Sure, Apple getting in bed with Hewlett-Packard to distribute HP iPods, that's evil. But why is this Pepsi thing evil?" Let me break it down for you:

This whole scheme revolves around addiction, and if there's one thing that the caffeinated soft-drink industry knows to rely on, it's addiction. Anyone who's drank cola for any extended period knows how addictive the sugary slop is. Just looking at Apple's website, now adorned with an army of Pepsi bottles surrounding a stylish Mac OS style window, makes me salivate like on of Pavlov's dogs. So, everyone who's already addicted to Pepsi is getting a free song on iTunes for every third Pepsi bottle they buy, right? That's quite a bit of music for the hard-core addicts, how could they not redeem it? So they drink more and more Pepsi and get more and more songs.

Eventually, the promotion ends. But all those Pepsi drinkers, they NEED their songs. So they keep downloading songs, but now they're paying for them. After all, it's only 30 cents here, 50 cents there, right? They're hooked. Addicted. They need their shiny. It's a classic drug-peddling scheme: the first taste is free, then you pay.

But the evil corporate brilliance doesn't end there: no, Precious, no! You see, all us millions of rabid, cult-like Mac-users all want a piece of the iTunes action too. So we all start going out and drinking Pepsi all the time to get the iTunes coupons. And of course, the Pepsi is addictive. So before you know it, every one of us loyal Apple customers is also a loyal Pepsi customer. What a wonderful reciprocal relationship!

Microsoft must be muttering up a storm right now. To be the biggest, meanest, rapingest company in the world, and get out-eviled by those hippie vegans down in Cupertino California? Terribly embarrassing…

So way to go, Steve Jobs, it's about bloody time. Now if only they'd release the iTunes music store in Canada, I'd be just tickety-boo.