Another ass-kicking was my reward for getting out of bed today. Maybe I should try to make that mistake less often...

In any case, I've already been asked what my opinion of this morning's MacWorld Apple Keynote was. Being an "Apple guy", I've naturally already formed some pretty strong opinions. Let's get right into it:

Office 2008 for Mac: This isn't really an Apple announcement, but it was in the keynote. How unsurprising is it that the last major software manufacturer in the world to get their god-damned programs ported to Intel Mac OS X was Microsoft? Not very. But here it is, Microsoft Office Mac 2008: intel native. It's like that person who arrives really late to the party but nobody cares because everybody secretly hates him/her.

Time Capsule: The least appreciated announcement of this keynote is really one of the best. This nifty gadget is an 802.11n wireless/gigabit ethernet router and a NAS (network attached storage) backup device for use with Time Machine. The USB port can be used to share a USB drive or a printer over the network. At $299 for the 500GB model, it's not expensive for what you get, but certainly not cheap either. I expect the value of this appliance to go up as hackers will undoubtedly be fascinated in adding new capabilities to the device.

iPhone Updates: In 200 days, the iPhone has captured second place in the smartphone market (just behind the Blackberry). Very nice. Naturally, Apples made some nice updated to the iPhone software, but I saw that coming. They're adding similar capabilities to the iPod Touch, but you'll have to pay $20 if you want the update (lame).

iTunes Rentals: Again, about bloody time. The truly amazing thing about rentals is that Steve managed to get every single major studio on board. Blockbuster and Netflix must be shaking in their boots right now (Indeed, Blockbuster's stock price plunged from $3.25 to $2.75 today). This is also an iTunes feature that will make the AppleTV truly worthwhile. Unfortunately, I'm having trouble caring, because we won't see movie rentals in Canada for at least a year and a half, and when we finally do, the CRTC will make sure there are only a smattering of good titles interspersed among a chamber-pot full of crappy Canadian films made by the CBC. Thank you Apple Canada.

AppleTV Update: Overdue. Buying content on the TV will be cool. The update will probably screw up all my modifications. Get to work, hackers!

iTunes Files on DVD: Starting with the Family Guy: Blue Harvest DVD, you'll be able to get a free iTunes-compatible movie file on disc. This is a good idea that sidesteps the whole DVD-decryption-legality issues surrounding the growing practice of ripping DVDs to put on iPods and AppleTVs. I wonder how DRM will be handled...

MacBook Air: Here we are, at the climax of the keynote: the MacBook Air. What is it? Well, let me tell you: it's a thin notebook with no optical drive, no Gigabit Ethernet, that costs more than the MacBook.

In brief: it stinks.

This was a terrible investment. Apple and Intel worked their butts off to come up with a smaller version of the Core2 Duo processor, and this is what we get? Let me tell you why exactly the MacBook Air stinks:

1. Wireless Only: First, the Air forces you to go wireless. Which is okay, if you've got a Wireless-n network. There's still a huge installed base of Wireless-g and even slower Wireless-b routers. And even though 802.11n operates at 248 Megabits per second (that's under optimal conditions, mind you, which wireless signals rarely have), it's still a slug compared to the 1000 Mbps of Gigabit Ethernet. I think of doing a system migration over wireless and I shudder.


2. No FireWire: I'm saddled with nothing but one USB port. There's no way to use FireWire to do migration or backup. Lame.


3. It's Not a Tablet: Where are Apple's computing market strengths? Three main places: Design, Education, Video Editing. At least two of those places have been screaming for a Mac tablet computer since before OS X came out. The market wants it so bad that an independent company has taken it upon themselves to sell MacBooks converted into tablets. With the precedents of the iPhone touch screen, and the technologies in the MacBook Air, Apple finally had everything they needed to make a tablet under their own roof. AND THEY BLEW IT. Instead, they made the Air, which will sell to NO ONE. Which brings me to my last point of suckage...


4. No Market: Basic users want a cheaper laptop, like the MacBook (which, by the way, it already very slim and light as far as laptops go). Premium users need the power of things like Gigabit ethernet and Firewire to throw big media files around. So what does that leave us? Answer: the rich-yuppie mac-user market: the one market that doesn't count.

Randy Newman: And if the MacBook Air in place of a tablet wasn't enough of a kick in the balls, we close out the keynote to Randy Newman croaking out "You Gots a Fwiend in Mee". (Clearly Steve doesn't watch much Family Guy)