I need this.

There are some people in my life who are really pissing me off right now. I'm coming to realize more and more that my entry almost exactly one year ago has turned out to be complete and utter horseshit: I don't let people know when they piss me off, and I'm using my blog right now as a substitute to talking to people about issues.

See, friends have occasionally advised me that I've got to talk to people and let them know of the issues that are pissing me off before it builds up to horrible proportions. The problem with that is that almost everything that people do pisses me off.

When you grow up as an empathetic person taught at a very young age the inherent value of sharing and caring, you grow up with the unfortunately fallacious belief that everyone shares this sense of good intentionedness. However, as soon as you're introduced to other kids in school, you come to the uncomfortable realization that people are inherently assholes. So you spend your entire childhood being exploited by the peers who suffer from a deplorable lack of empathy. But you get to the end of high school and you start to think, "Finally, THIS is it. A way out. I'm out of the public school environment and I can make my own life, and I don't have to associate with assholes anymore."

No, in a way it really gets worse.

You see, because then you enter the adult world. You have to deal with adult things. You'll have to deal with people who shirk their adult responsibilities, professional, monetary, or even simple politeness. People you work with, are friends with, LIVE with, are related to. Then you have to find a way of courteously pointing out their gross discourtesies (which itself is incredibly ironic) because if you're not polite enough or even just catch them in the wrong kind of mood, they'll basically just freak out at you and you'll have to stand your ground and argue with them about something they clearly should have considered in the first place.

And they argue so fucking much. It's amazing how a planet so full of so many problems can quite curiously be inhabited by so many people who are reputedly NEVER WRONG ABOUT ANYTHING EVER.

And I'd love to be able to dress them down right here and right now. I'd LOVE to do that. I even wrote the whole long paragraph just now and let them all have it at once. But I can't post it, because it's wrong and that's beneath me.

Growing up as a socially awkward child/teen has made me hyper-concious of propriety. In public situations I'm always thinking to myself: "Am I being polite? Am I standing in someone's way? Have I said or done anything that might necessitate an apology? Do I *GASP* have OTHER PEOPLE'S BEST INTERESTS IN MIND IF I TAKE THIS ACTION?!?!?" Because I WANT to be NICE to people. IMAGINE THAT.

So I'm just asking you to take one minute out of your selfish little lives right now and think to yourselves: "Did I do something to piss Jesse off? Did I, just perhaps, do something that MOST people would consider impolite? Irresponsible? Downright rude and insulting?"

If so, why don't you restore a pixel of my utterly shattered faith in humanity and say to me, "Jesse, I feel I may have wronged you. Will you accept my apologies?"

What a pipe dream... people suck.