In case you hadn't noticed, the big intellectual tumult in Unamerica right now is the debate over "The Theory of Intelligent Design": the new name for biblical Creationism. Soon, many fear, Unamerican kids will be learning about how God created all life on Earth a few thousand years ago, instead or learning about Darwinian Evolution. Oh, who shall come to the aid of the few, embattled, sensible, smart people in the United States?

Why, the Catholic Church, of course.

Today a representative of the Vatican issued a statement saying that Charles Darwin's theory of Evolution is totally compatible with the Genesis story. Cardinal Paul Poupard, head of the Pontifical Council for Culture, was quoted as saying: "Fundamentalists want to give a scientific meaning to words that had no scientific aim". He went on to say that the real message in Genesis was "the universe didn't make itself and had a creator".

Wow, that really puts things into perspective, doesn't it? The Catholic Church, arguably the most conservative Christian organization on the planet, accepts Darwinism. Meanwhile, the Church of Unamerica, his Holiness Pontiff George Bush II presiding, wants us to believe that the Earth was created 5000 years ago and that no evolution has ever taken place. Will this perpetual asshattedness ever end?