It never ceases to amaze me how poorly adjusted many people are. They're nice, friendly, pleasant to talk with, but unfortunately they're also fucked up. Right now I'm looking in the direction of self-destructive women. I seem to keep running into them in all sorts of situations; I even dated one for far too long a time. There's some sort of underlying self-esteem problem and so they start engaging in behavior that's bad for them. All kinds of stuff: self-cutting, undereating, overworking, lawbreaking, uncharacteristic promiscuity, etc... And there's always an excuse for why they're doing it that's perfectly rational. But I just get so sick of the bullshit: "Yes, of course you don't have time to eat" "Yes, you're totally in control of the situation 100% of the time". It's so obvious from the outside, but who am I to analyze their behavior? What the fuck do I know about it?

I develop such a strong empathetic connection to my friends that whenever I see them hurting themselves I feel like part of me is dying. Eventually, I have to stop caring as a protective mechanism. Just shut down to them. I'm not going to buy into the excuses anymore. Fine, I'll butt out: it's your life. But don't expect me to keep paying attention with a perpetually horrified sense of compassion.