Geekman's World: Funerary Friday

Funeral today. Somehow a long Catholic ceremony followed by a reception filled with free food and wine provides a strange sense of closure.

Angela's coming by to meet me at work and ogle me in my suit. By the way, I LOVE ANGELA. She is the most wonderful girl in the history of time (no offense, Nadia, Mom, Sis, etc...).

It broke my heart to hear JP's best female friend and apparently-up-until-now secret girlfriend give a eulogy. Being in a situation like this makes you realize that every single day is precious, and that you have cherish every moment you have with the people you love. It may sound cheesy, but it's true. Life and death are cruel and unforgiving boolean values: on or off. You never know when the switch will be flipped. So be open, let people know how you feel, and what you're thinking. Do the things you want to, accomplish the goals you desire to. Tomorrow, you may not be around to do so.

Our union was the most natural thing that had to happen sooner or later. Now I'm glad it started three years ago when we could no longer pretend we were only best friends. But the hardest lesson of all is the one that I must learn now. Both of us had been so careful in protecting our hearts from getting hurt again. I had too many failed relationships to last me two lifetimes. But somehow, it just happened... after we both had "a few too many" one night. We were confused and scared at first. But Japes always respected my space and gave me as much time as I needed. Now I wish he hadn't been so understanding. There are so many things we were supposed to experience together and places to see. We were supposed to grow old together. Now those will remain secret yearnings that only bring unstoppable tears. If I knew for sure that we can be together again, I would take my life in an instant. But Japes would call me a coward. He would be angry with me. How can the simple act of breathing hurt so much? But as much as it hurts, I feel blessed that we shared a love so special and intense. A love like that never dies but only grows stronger. When we were together, there was no separation between "me" and "him". We just "were". However short a time we spent together, my heart is fulfilled. I could not have asked for anything more than the love we shared.

I don't know if you were ever around the office when I was: I think I may have caught glimpse of you once or twice. I was in the basement during the ceremony, so you probably didn't see me.

I did not have the privilege of being JP's friend, I was merely his coworker. By the touching things that have been said about him by those closest to him, I wish I had known him better. I tended to try to stay out of his hair. From the outside he seemed like a no-nonsense kind of guy, except when he was joking around with Bill or Sylvia. When his birthday rolled around once a year we all gathered at the front desk to present him with a cake and sing him happy birthday (much to his protests). Last year when we asked how old he was, I believe his reply was "old enough". Paul then filled us in that it was the big 3-0.

Your words are touching and so well-composed, both the those you spoke and those you wrote here. That's not a platitude, it's a heartfelt sentiment. I really don't know what I can say other than that I hope you find the strength to keep going. I'm sure there are still many people in this world who care for you deeply.

Just a clarification for those of you not in the loop. There were so many attendees to JP's service that many of us sat in the basement of the church and listened to the ceremony via PA system. I was not skulking around in the basement like Gollum or anything.